I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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