you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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