Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
