and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
