saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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