hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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