note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
