You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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