Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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