susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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