On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
