Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
