So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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