Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I need water and some morals
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize