Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
