You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize