I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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