the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
