Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
