He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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