from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
