She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
