I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
