I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
