No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just tell him i said nine months
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
