She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
