i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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