My girlfriend figured out who you are.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This is my life. Enjoy the view
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
