And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
