so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
don't judge my taste in strippers
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
