I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
