remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
