Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
