did you get engaged???
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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