How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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