Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
