that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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