so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
