I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
