For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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