My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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