I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
