So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
