did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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