I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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