an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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