i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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