I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize