just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
