Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
