Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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