I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
