Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Your cock deserves a montage
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
