i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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