Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
