so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
