i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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