the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
