Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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