Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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