You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
