who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
