let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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