I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize