her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
