We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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