I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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