I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
