So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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