I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
