I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
