Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
