how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
