You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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