You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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