I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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