i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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