my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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