I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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