My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
