Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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