The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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