dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
