i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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