I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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