well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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