Will you blow on my dice?
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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