At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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