Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
