I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
