My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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