conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
How's work?
Spinning.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
