thus making me awesome and them whores
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
