I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
