Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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