Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
