I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
