Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
