We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
