the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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