i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize