and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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