So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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