he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize