I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This can only be settled by a dance off.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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