Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
