i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
