there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
