you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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