the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
