dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
