was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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