i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
