I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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